I saw on TV just the police find the figure body lying on the roadside. His face was ugly, hair is not well maintained and his body is full and filled with skin disease ...

Please reply to this sms so that I'm sure you're fine. ...

Monyet yang Pintar

Di sebuah kebun binatang, seorang pengunjung bertanya kepada penjaga, "Kenapa monyet itu selalu membawa buku?"

Penjaga menjawab, "Oh, itu monyet yang sangat pintar! Dia sedang belajar bagaimana caranya memanjat lebih tinggi dalam hidup."

---

Monyet dan Pisang

Dua ekor monyet sedang duduk di atas pohon, satu monyet bertanya, "Kenapa kamu selalu membawa pisang ke mana-mana?"

Monyet lainnya menjawab, "Karena pisang adalah kunci untuk membuka hari yang ceria!"

---

Monyet dan Cermin

Seekor monyet menemukan cermin di hutan. Ketika melihat bayangannya sendiri, ia berkata, "Wah, siapa monyet tampan ini? Aku harus berteman dengannya!"

---

Monyet dan Kamera

Seorang fotografer sedang mencoba mengambil gambar monyet di hutan. Saat ia fokus, monyet itu tiba-tiba mengambil kamera dan berkata, "Giliran aku sekarang! Kamu harus belajar bagaimana tampil sempurna di depan kamera."

---

Monyet dan Topi

Seekor monyet menemukan topi di hutan. Ia memakainya dan berjalan dengan gaya. Temannya bertanya, "Kenapa kamu pakai topi itu?"

Monyet itu menjawab, "Karena aku ingin menjadi monyet yang top!"

sms cute gift products toothpaste

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gifts, immediately send us your BIOS complete

to P.O.BOX 10000 accompanied 2 front teeth and its roots

Why is a history teacher head bald the back, while the bald head Professor in front?

For history teachers think in the past, being a Professor thought to the future.

Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = pregnancy
Dumb man + smart woman = affair
Dumb man + dumb woman = marriage
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

Brad was extremely hungry, so he left work and went to a local snack bar where

he bought a cake.  When Chen had eaten the cake, he found that he was still

famished, and so he ate a second one.

Even then he was not full up and promptly ate six cakes in succession, but he

hadn't satisfied his hunger.  Not until Brad had eaten the seventh cake did he

feel satisfied.

Then, suddenly, he had a feeling of regret. 'Ah, if I had known this before, I

would have eaten the seventh cake first and that would have been enough and

there would not have been any need to eat those six others.'

After the Honeymoon

justin and selena, a young couple, got married and went happily on their

honeymoon.

When they got back, Elaine immediately 'phoned her mother and her mother

obviously asked, 'How was the honeymoon, dearest?'

'Oh, Ma,' she replied, 'the honeymoon was wonderful. So romantic...'

Then Elaine burst out crying. 'But, Ma, as soon as we returned home Rupert

started using the most ghastly language... saying things I've never heard

before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to come get me and

take me home.... Please Ma.'

'Calm down, selena!,' said her mother, 'Tell me, what could be so awful?  What

4-letter words?'

Still sobbing, selena whispered, 'Oh, Ma...words like dust, wash, cook, and

iron.'

Difficult Landing

The airline had a policy that required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a - 'Thanks for flying abcde airline'.

An airline pilot on this particular flight hammered his plane into the runway really hard.  In light of his bad landing, he had difficulty looking the passengers in the eye, all the time he thought that a passenger would have a smart comment.  However, it seemed that all the passengers were too shell shocked to say anything.

Finally, everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking with a cane.  She said, 'Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?' Why no Ma'am,'  said the pilot, 'What is it', the little old lady said, 'Did we land or were we shot down?'

A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:

Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling

customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this

new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing

their accounts.

After months of careful research, MALE and FEMALE procedures have been

developed.

Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender:

MALE PROCEDURE

1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.

FEMALE PROCEDURE

1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance

from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back

page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot

provided.!
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.

One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house. His

three children were outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with

empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.
The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house.

Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess.

A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In

the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room

was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.

In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the

counter, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table,

and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.
He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes,

looking for his wife. He was worried she may be ill, or that something serious

had happened. He found her lounging in the bedroom, still curled in bed in her

pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day

went.

He looked at her bewildered and asked,
"What happened here today?"
She again smiled and answered,
"You know every day when you come home from work and ask me what in the world

did I do today?"

"Yes" was his incredulous reply.

She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it!!!"

I will always be there for you, is always present when you need. Wherever you go wherever you were I always loyal be. Because I am the personal DRIVER

Lord, give me a chance to get such a large fish,

so in telling stories to his friends, I'm not frustrated and no longer need to trick them

At an elementary school is being applied a new subjects, i.e. PMWR

aka the lesson of the Parliament. Then the Teachers get started with

give you a few questions on his students.

Teacher: "Regent and Vice-regent, which is higher and must be respected?"

Pupil: "Regent, Mom!"

Teacher: "the Governor and Deputy Governors, which is higher and should

respected? "

Pupil: "Governor, mom!"

Teacher: "the President and Vice Presien, which is higher and should

respected? "

Pupil: "President, mom!"

Teacher: "the people and the people's Representatives, which is higher and must be respected?"

Pupil: "should the hell people, mom!"

Teacher: "Kok, wear should be?"

Pupil: "because now even inverted mom."

Teacher: "good, continue to sign so that we know as our Representatives how?"

Pupil: "for sure they like the color gray."

Teacher: "very well, continued to let alone?"

Pupil: "Like political conspiracy"

Teacher: "for what?"

Pupil: "interests, mom!"

Teacher: "Exactly once, frequently appear where they are?"

Pupil: "on television, mom!"

Teacher: "for what?"

Pupil: "because of the scandals and cases, mom!"

Teacher: "Ouch, son of his Mother pinter-pinter, continue to characterize the Wakil Rakyat let alone?"

Pupil: "Would often suddenly wealthy, mom!"

Teacher: "Where, how can that be?"

Pupil: "corruption, mom. If it is not possible to grant that does not

clear. "

Pupil: "Of the wanted benefit."

Teacher: "Keep right Representatives often hold a session, how many years?"

Pupil: "every day, mom!"

Teacher: "How come, reason?"

Pupil: "Let me be allowances and commissions meeting."

Teacher: "Usually discussed what?"

Pupil: "no mom, go right ear left ear out."

Teacher: "So the people with the Wakil Rakyat, which is where his boss?"

Pupil: "Yes, of course, mom!"

Teacher: "why should it?"

Pupil: "because of the strange, MOM!"

Teacher: "strange why?"

Pupil: "strange once if the boss is lack of food at home, mom! While his Deputy asik import food. hoard too, mom. "

Teacher: "good, it turns out that before you guys have taught a lot to know about

Representatives of the people Yes. "

Pupil: "yes mom, so it's no secret anymore. The people there have been many who

know, mom. "

Teacher: "there have been many who know why cool relax in Parliament?"

Pupil: "Right, have no sense of shame,,mom"???

In the cafeteria of a University, justin beiber and kris humphries two students being interact:

kris humphries: "I wonder if Professor of political science, teaching always sit, never

want to stand. "

justin beiber: ", kris?? just watch out for. "

kris humphries: "Yes, justin beiber knows what is not."

justin beiber: "perhaps the only, fatigue, or his feet do not stand strong."

kris humphries: "it's not that's why, since he is also an official."

justin beiber: "what to do?!!"

kris humphries: "Yes if he stands, fearing his seat was occupied by other people."

justin beiber: "???"

An American soldier who just registered asks Commander in order to pass the exam within 3 days.

Commander says "are you crazy, just joined the American soldiers, and it would have passed in a 3-day? You have to do 

something spectacular to be able to gain the recognition it! "

So the soldier returned a day later in a tank Iraq!

The Commander was so impressed, he asked, "How did you do?"

"Yes, I jumped in a tank, and going towards the border with the people of Iraq.And I saw a tank of Iraq. I'm raising the white 

flag, the tanks that Iraq also put up white flags. I said to the soldiers of Iraq, "do you also want to get a certificate of 

graduation in the three-day? So we exchanged tank! "

A military General invited the reporters to give direction to what can be reported and what should not be reported.

"News of succession should not be written, the President does not like. Labor strikes, not written, the later conflict. News 

corruption should not be politicized, the authority of the Government is broken. The monopoly should not be referred to the 

family of the President, it is not ethical. Politics should not be in favor of the people, later fret. The price increase should not 

be made headlines, the people of later angry. "

A young journalist who can't wait then interrupts, "then, General, what can we preached?"

The General replied calmly, "you guys what I preached and say!"

Justin Beiber , a very handsome young man, recently married a beautiful young woman is elegant and sexy 

who had previously divorced ten husbands already.

On the eve of their wedding, said his wife to Justin beiber, the husband of his ... "Please be gentle Yes, because I'm still a 

Virgin."

"What?!?" says justin beiber is confused. "How can I still a Virgin but had been married ten times?!?"

"Well, my first husband was a sales representative, he kept telling me how great it will happen."

"The two Husbands work in computer software Services; He was never really sure how should it work, but he said he 

would look into it and get back to me. "

"My husband three comes from the field support; He said everything has been checked and found to be, but he was 

unable to turn on the system. "

"The Fourth Husband of work at telemarketing, even though he knows he's got the order, he did not know when he will be 

able to give it. .."

"The Husband is an engineer, he's five understand basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement, and 

the new design is better."

"Sixth Husband comes from administration; He thought he knew how to do it but he's not sure if it's part of his job. "

"My husband seven are in marketing, although he has a product, he was never sure how positioning it."

"My husband's eight was a psychiatrist, all he did was talk about it."

"The nine Husband is obstetrician, all he did was look at it."

"The Husband is a collector of stamps, ten of which he ever does is lick ... Oh, did I miss him ...!! "

"But now I've been married, justin beiber my dear, I'm so excited!"

"Gee, fabulous once", says justin beiber, really surprised ... "But why!?"

"Being a businessman close to the Government ... This time I knew that I would get a boodle! "

This is the MYTHICAL habit of figures in China:

Smoking, but do not drink wine, Lin Biau died aged 63 years.

Drinking wine but non smoking, Zhou En Lai died aged 73 years.

Smoking, and drinking wine, Mao Ze Dong died aged 83 years.

Smoking, drinking wine and playing cards, Deng Xiao Pin died aged 94 years.

Smoking, drinking wine, playing cards, have a much younger wife, Zhang Xue Liang died 103 years.

Don't smoke, don't drink wine, NOT like playing cards, not having many wives, Lei Feng died young, aged 23 years!

Some time ago some members of the delegation from neighboring countries visited the country to study the appeal and learn to create a Ministry of Marine in Switzerland.

When they speak of it, some officers laugh at it, because you do not have sea.

Delegation of Neighbouring replied, "we want to learn from your country. The proof you have the Legal Department and the Ministry of finance ... "